“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.” – Erma Bombeck
About two seconds after I wrote yesterday’s post, I started feeling guilty. Had I come off too harsh? Painted the FB woman as “the bad guy”? (Totally not my intent, she is actually a lovely person.) Presented myself as the superior heralding saint rushing in to save the world from tongue-in-cheek jokes on social networking sites?? (So very much NOT how I view myself, by the way.) Should I write a huge apology as my next post, explaining point-by-point my EXACT meaning for every single sentence?!?
Ummm … is this how it’s going to be in my brain after every “controversial” thought I publish?
I’m thinking, Yes. Yes, it is.
This is exactly why it took me so long to start a blog. I told myself it was lack of time and creativity, when really it was just the ever-popular, never-leaving Fear of Failure that takes permanent residence in my head. Because that is where my Guilt comes from – being terrified of disappointing/offending/hurting someone, of embarrassing myself, of not being good enough, of being (gasp!) wrong.
But I just have to accept, I am guilty of these offenses. ALL THE TIME.
Seriously. Why does this bother me so much?
I tell Connor and Ona (my kids) it’s not only OK to make mistakes, it’s a good thing. Trial-and-error is the absolute best way to learn, I say. With every screw-up, you are getting smarter.
When I tell the younglings this, I believe it, but when it comes to me … I have a harder time. I can forgive everyone else their imperfections, but somehow I expect more of myself.
So today is the day that I say, Welcome, Guilt! I see you’re not going anywhere, so let’s get to know each other a bit better, shall we? I will not let you rule my actions, but I will let you temper them. I think you have a lot to share, Guilt, and I am no longer afraid of you. Let’s throw a little party and – what the heck – invite Failure, too! I think we can all be friends. Now if I can just figure out how to use you for good instead of evil …